The opening lines of Epictetus's Enchiridion (Handbook) are among the most direct and useful things ever written about the human mind: "Some things are in our control and others are not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and in one word, whatever are not our own actions."
This is the dichotomy of control - and for two thousand years it has been helping people think more clearly about where to direct their energy.
The Two Categories
Epictetus was uncompromising about this division. Things in our control include:
- Our judgments, opinions, and interpretations
- Our intentions and choices
- Our desires and aversions
- How we respond to what happens to us
Things not in our control include:
- Our bodies and health (to a significant degree)
- Our reputation and what others think of us
- Other people's actions, choices, and feelings
- Outcomes - even of our best efforts
- The weather, the economy, natural events
Epictetus's teaching: seek only what is in your power. Be indifferent (not uncaring, but unattached) to what is not.
Why This Matters for Mental Health
Most human suffering - and this is not an exaggeration - arises from investing emotional energy in things we cannot control. We worry about whether we will be liked. We are angry that other people did not behave as we wanted. We are devastated by outcomes we could not determine, no matter how hard we tried.
This is not because we are weak. It is because the instinct to want control over our world is deeply human. But when we try to control what cannot be controlled, we suffer. When we focus on what we can actually influence, suffering diminishes.
The dichotomy of control connects directly to radical acceptance - the practice of acknowledging reality as it is, without the extra layer of resistance that says it should be otherwise. The Stoics were practicing radical acceptance long before DBT named it.
The Archer and the Outcome
The Stoics used a beautiful metaphor to explain this principle. An archer's job is to aim carefully, draw the bow skillfully, and release well. Whether the wind changes at the last moment and the arrow misses - that is not in the archer's control. The archer must care about the process completely and about the outcome lightly.
This is not resignation or passivity. The Stoic puts full effort into what is in their power. They prepare, they work, they engage completely. But they hold the outcome with open hands, because the outcome ultimately belongs to the world, not to them.
Practical Application
When you notice yourself distressed, ask: is this about something in my control, or something not in my control?
- Worried about whether your presentation will be well-received? You can control the quality of your preparation and delivery. You cannot control the audience's response.
- Anxious about what someone thinks of you? You can control whether you act with integrity and kindness. You cannot control their judgment.
- Stressed about a health outcome? You can control whether you follow good medical advice and make healthy choices. You cannot control the biology.
The question is always: where am I actually placing my energy, and is that placement wise?
A Modern Nuance
Critics of the dichotomy of control sometimes note that it can be misused - as an excuse to disengage from collective problems or to victim-blame those in genuinely powerless situations. The Stoic response is that the principle is about inner freedom, not social passivity. Marcus Aurelius, who held considerable power as Roman Emperor, was deeply committed to Stoic philosophy while also taking extensive action in the world.
The distinction between what you can and cannot control is also not always crisp. Cognitive distortions often involve overestimating or underestimating our actual influence. Part of the work is calibrating that estimation honestly.